Please Label Your "Clarifying Questions"
If you’ve ever shared a refrigerator with a bunch of people, then you know how helpful labels can be. Labels make it easier to know which food belongs to whom, which means unnecessary conflicts are less likely.
The same is true with our communication. Today, I’m talking about one of my favorite labels, the “clarifying question,” because while many questions are attempts to clarify, many aren’t. For example…
If someone asks, “Why didn’t you…!?” you could easily interpret it as criticism of the choice you did make.
Or, “Isn’t it true that…?” sure seems like the person is trying to make a point, not gather new information.
And, “Do you have any…?” might just be gathering data, but in many cultures that kind of question resembles a request.
Meaning, questions can be used to convey information just as easily as statements. So, what do you do if you actually just want to understand something better or gather more data, and you want to avoid (or seriously reduce the likelihood of) your question being misinterpreted? (Spoiler: I recommend actually, literally, say the words, “I have a clarifying question…”)
If you just want information, then the solution is to have a reliable label that conveys the nuance of your question without having to explain it everytime.
From my experience, the term “clarifying question” (or some equivalent) tends to emerge organically in healthy self-managed teams as a useful way to strip away some of the unconscious assumptions that often get projected onto the question.
Defining a “Clarifying Question”
A clarifying question is any question asked to confirm one’s understanding, or to gather additional data. The questioner delivers the question with a tone or energy expressing their curiosity, not confusion or skepticism. The term is helpful because it lessens the likelihood the question will be interpreted as a leading question, a criticism, or a request.
They sounds like this (key words or phrases in bold):
Quick clarifying question...did you ask them about staffing?
I’m trying to understand what you said more clearly, so I’d like some clarification on…
Please understand the following question isn't any sort of criticism or request...it's just a clarifying question...
Putting on my White Hat here (from Bono’s Six Thinking Hats)…this sounds like you’re saying…”
[In an email] CQ: What was your reasoning behind…
Clarifying questions can also be used to frame a particular step in a group discussion.
[Soliciting from an audience] Any clarifying questions about what I’ve presented so far?
[Follow-up] Ah, your question seems to be about implications...I'm going to talk about that next, but for now I'd like to know if there are any clarifying questions about how we got to this point?
[Facilitator in a Holacracy governance meeting] Now, we’re moving onto the Clarifying Questions step, we do this popcorn style, remember this step is only to gather information…
Also, notice some examples above require the recipient to share the distinction, like “CQ,” or the reference to Bono’s Six Thinking Hats, whereas something like, “Please understand the following question isn't any sort of criticism or request...” and, “clarifying question…” mostly provide their own context.
Finally, I’ll emphasize it’s much easier to ask a clarifying question when you know, even if only for yourself, that you can follow up any clarifying question with something else (i.e. “Thanks for your answer. That helps a lot, but now I need to know if you have space to consider my opinion about what happened?”).
Hearing Cleanly
While we might wish others used helpful clues or tags like saying, “I have a clarifying question…” they usually don’t. That’s OK because a clear and caring communicator takes responsibility for two things:
How they speak; i.e. doing what they can, within reason, to reduce the likelihood of misinterpretation. I call this, “speaking cleanly.”
How they listen; i.e. doing what they can, within reason, to reduce the likelihood that they are misinterpreting someone else. I call this, “hearing cleanly.”
Hearing cleanly means that even if someone else is having a bad day, you’re not subject to their whims. A supervisor giving inappropriate orders is bad, but it only becomes a real problem if people follow them.
A downpour of wisdom could be raining down, but if you’re standing out in the storm holding a thimble, you’re only going to catch so much.
So, in order to maintain our own level of healthy receptivity, we sometimes need to clarify what the speaker is trying to say.
This is what it sounds like (key words or phrases in bold):
Are you just looking to clarify for your own understanding, or are you trying to make a point?
[Responding to charged questions] Is that a clarifying question? If so, what specifically would you like to know?
Are you asking for my permission to do it, or are you asking what I would do in your situation…like as a way to figure out what you should do?
Amy, I’m not quite sure if you were looking to clarify something I said, or make a suggestion of your own…or maybe a little bit of both?
Notice, especially in this last two examples, the responses aren’t judgmental. The point isn’t to wield the distinction against the speaker. That would violate the spirit of a clarifying question (your own in this case). So, none of these examples confronts or challenges the speaker’s intention. They only wish to clarify it.
To that end, the last two examples also show how helpful it can be to offer an alternative through the use of the word, “…or…?” So, rather than just saying, “Is this a clarifying question?” you would say, “Is this a clarifying question….or….are you sharing your opinion?” This makes it less likely your question will be interpreted as a judgment.
And the last example adds another “or,” as in “…or is it kinda a mix of both?” because when the purpose of their question is unclear, it’s usually because it’s a mixture of reaction and question. Adding either or both of these make it clear to the speaker you’re only trying to clarify what they want, not criticizing how they communicate.
Conclusion
Collaborative work benefits from clear labels. Whether or not those labels have been agreed to or not, a good label helps ensure we are speaking cleanly and hearing cleanly, at least as much as is reasonable to expect from ourselves. And of course, the idea here is not that you should only ever be asking clarifying questions, because over-using a label is only slightly less confusing than under-using it.
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